The Twists and Turns of Journey-Making

I have been here for a month now. And, what a month it has been! As I write this, I'm listening to the constant flow of rain outside my little cottage - beautiful. I came home this afternoon with plans of a rest and then an evening visit either to the weekly Buddhist meditation session or a yoga class. But, the rain has kept me here, and willingly I settle back into the sound and the glorious feeling of being gifted with this wondrous life.

My journey continues to inspire me. It continues to unfold and I marvel at the changes that have already been birthed within me. I can feel the different processes taking place within my mind, step by step altering my perspective and thoughts about my reality. I never had a very well-thought out plan coming here in the first place, it hung loosely – something to tell people when they asked, “but, what are you going to do?” In fact it was something to tell myself too, a reliable excuse for dropping everything and ‘running off’.

Now that I am here I have slowly begun to loosen my hold on my path, let go of any feelings that I need to find a job or I need to do this, or go here, or see this. The realization that I have worked hard for the last two years and can now enjoy my fruits of my savings took a while to seep in. My parents, as always, have been extremely encouraging of my journey and urge me to just be and experience – to spend my money, eat delicious food, have enchanting, enriching experiences. The need to follow some kind of set of rules, and work like the rest of the world is doing, is strong within me, of course, and it is these strict boundaries that I have had to hurdle over, within myself. I am blessed to have the opportunity to attempt to do so.

So, now I try to let the days take care of themselves. I wake up early with the roosters, sit on my verandah drinking hot water and lemon, eating my pan-roasted oats and nuts, journal and try to meditate. I usually go to yoga in the morning, sip on a coconut (one of my best things about being here) and then during the day allow myself to have a gorgeous meals at a little restaurant or warung. I am a planner and so not having a plan can be challenging for me at times. Two days ago, after a very long morning of walking I found myself at a restaurant overlooking terraced rice paddies. I was famished and after ensuring that they had my other new most favourite food (tempe – wow, I'm in love) I settled down on the couch to let my body relax after a very long and good walk. They brought me some delicious homemade chips which I quickly wolfed down followed by a fresh mango juice. It didn't take long for my food to arrive, it was pretty average by the usual standards but the tempe and thick peanut sauce was good!

And, after that was all gone, I looked around and thought…now what? And very quickly I slumped into a post-feast ‘depression’. Amidst this gray cloud, which swirled around me with all the lonely thoughts one can have when they’re on their own and without a plan, I realized that these are the kinds of moments I must accept and expect. That this journey is in no ways always easy and that the aloneness that I've brought upon myself is both rich with liberation and spontaneity as well as ‘slump’ moments. These slump moments are just more opportunities for an understanding of myself - a self that appears below the surface of daily joys and routine. I just have to sit with it, and watch it flow.

And on the other side, the other side of the drop, I am in awe with my life.  I’ll end off with what inspired to me sit down and write my blog now, this evening, while the rain falls down. I feel extremely blessed to have met the Balinese family in whose garden I am living. They are loving and generous and kind and seem genuinely pleased with me being here. Jeru (the wife, whom I have mentioned before) and I have developed this lovely, mutual adoration for one another. We chatter away, her teaching me Indonesian phrases or laughing because neither of us knows what the other is saying. She has gifted me with quite a few little meals, all given with such love and generosity, and all delicious. The other day she kept some Balinese black rice pudding aside for me, and my oh my, that was good!

This evening she came to adorn the little temple outside my cottage with offerings and to say prayers and do a ritual blessing (I really am at a loss to what it’s all about, and it’s difficult to find out with the language barrier – but the daily dedication to the ceremonies, offerings and rituals are really inspiring). She loves to say to me, “Caitlin cantik!” (Caitlin is beautiful!), and the reason I tell you this is because I am inspired by how cantik she is. Her devotion to the big and small ceremonies that are conducted daily, her constant smile and open heart. I am buoyed up by the love I feel coming from her - for all that is in her life.

Anyone who has even been to Bali will know what I'm talking about when I write about the daily offerings that the Balinese make to their Gods. As I said, I am still pretty much in the dark about it all, and I want to try understand it further. These offerings are given in little square coconut leaf baskets and usually hold flowers, rice, incense and some other food offering, perhaps an animal-shaped biscuit or a sweet. To an untrained observer, it all seems quite bizarre!

The ceremony that Jeru did in my cottage tonight is apparently a prosperity ceremony. It certainly felt prosperous with the abundance of offerings she brought and left on my little porch. Before she left though, she plied me with all sorts of food from the offering baskets! At first I was shocked, won’t the Gods be upset that I'm eating their cake?! Apparently not, as I had to try it all – two types of fruit, two types of cake, a peanut cracker thing and something else which was sweet and delicious but unnamable for me. She left for the temple (after teaching me to say, “I go to the temple now in the rain”), and after she left and I put all my uneaten loot in the fridge, I was completely, once-again, overwhelmed by her love and generosity. This family does not have a lot of money, but the money which they do have is used to give generously and abundantly to others. Their lives seem dedicated to their Gods, their families and the people who arrive on their doorsteps.

Now, that's pretty inspiring.

Last thing to share: Two days ago I stopped to have my coconut at the little stall in the rice fields where I met the delightful lady who is now a firm friend. I spent just less than an hour with Wayan, the stall owner who showed me all the organic things he is selling, and cleaned my jewellery with the jewellery-cleaning fruit. He happily posed for my photos and asked that I ‘put them on the internet’, to advertise his business. So here we go. If you want organic rice, herbs, jewellery-cleaning fruit, or a delicious young coconut through a bamboo straw – this is where you need to go, and Wayan is the man you need to see!