Goodbyes, Singapore Treats and Impending Silence

I am writing this from the comfort of my friend Stephanie's apartment in Singapore. The rumble of Singapore's organised traffic rises up to meet me on the fourteenth floor and the sky-scraper skyline stands impressively in the misty humidity of this tropical city. The buildings below are nestled among the lush greenery of tree-lined streets. I am in heaven - if only for how this is just so different to my 'normal' life 'back home' in Ubud. I love my life there, but I have relished in not cleaning up any rat and gecko poo or being awoken by the roosters. These things have their place in my delightful experience, but sometimes the warm hug of a comfy bed and a deliciously cozy duvet that I can snuggle under while the aircon reliably hums on, is as nourishing for the heart as watching the chickens cluck by in my jungle garden. 

More gorgeous moments have led up to the one I find myself in now and in some effort to celebrate their beauty I will record them here. Last week I had my very first bring and share dinner around the long wooden table on my veranda. I invited five very special friends, and it was wonderful to have all my favourite people in Ubud sitting around the same table! We shared some amazing food and great conversation, and all I could do was delight in how blessed I am to find myself with these people. In the excitement of the selection of food before me, I ate an extraordinary amount and I think I only started feeling normal the next morning - I dealt with the labour pains of my food baby for pretty much the entire night. One of my friends Eagle (aka Colleen) was in the process of moving to a new place and so ended up staying with me for a three-night long slumber party. It was so fun to wake up in the morning and have my friend still there and eat a yummy fruit and muesli breakfast together and talk until it was time to rush off to the day's activities. 

On Monday, I had to leave Ubud for my 6am flight at 3am in the morning. So one would think that I would get an early night. Apparently that was not the plan. As my departure to Singapore drew nearer so did the dreadful thought that I would be saying goodbye to my extremely special friend Dana (the delightful lady). Neither of us could quite bear it and so put off our farewells for as long as we could. This meant that at 10pm the night before my early wake up I found myself sitting on Dana's balcony, looking at the darkened sky, the rice paddies and the lucky glimpses of fireflies every now and again. Dana had never experienced the delights of a magnum so it has been on our to-do list of things to do together before she left. And so as we sat there together, we munched on our magnums and she agreed that it was possibly one of the best things she's ever had. It was only after midnight when I dragged myself away from her balcony, final goodbyes whispered as I scuttled down her stairs in the midde of the night. I scooted home, made my sandwiches, packed my last minute things, and got into bed. In less than an hour and a half I was awake and on my way to the airport - the driver Nyoman and I enjoying the peanut butter and jam sandwiches I had made two hours before! I slept in the car, at the airport and on the plane. What fun!

Delightful Dana arriving at my party in the rain, her food offerings stored safely around her belly!

I have had a gorgeous time in Singapore over the last few days. Steph has treated me to some delicious Singapore-esque meals and I have enjoyed the vibe of this city - it is so much fun to visit a place with a friend who lives here, as instantly you feel more at home and comfortable. I have navigated the underground train system - the MRT - and spent the morning yesterday wandering through the botanical gardens, napping on a bench and breathing in the old trees and well-cared for gardens. There's a children's garden which I very confidently walked into only to be stopped by the guard - "sorry Ma'am, you can't come in without a child, do you have a child?" Ah no. I don't. I tried to convince him I had an inner child who REALLY wanted to see the children's garden but he wasn't relenting. One of the ladies at the desk kindly explained to me that they didn't want random adults wandering around while children were in the midst of educational enrichment, and so she gave me a lovely tour herself. After taking my time meandering through the gardens, I then met up with three lovely women from our Jakarta 'angel' women's group for lunch. Delicious of course. And even better to reconnect with them again. 

You might notice that so many of my stories center around food - a fact that has not escaped me either. Steph and I were talking about this yesterday, how so much of traveling is about the food! My friends will remember my tubbyness after a trip to Europe in 2007 and how all the photos were of me devouring some delicious morsel or another. It seems that this trip is taking on a similar flavour, although I'm trying hard to keep the tubbyness in check. Saying that - I need to share with you the biggest ice cream experience I have ever had. Three scoops of three different types of chocolate ice cream topped with Toblerone. WOW. I asked Steph to take a photo of me looking shocked at the size of the ice cream, just to assure you all that I don't consider it normal. I must say, I have never been so relieved to finish an ice cream in my life. It was quite a feat.

As Steph and I walked the two or three blocks back home we plowed through our ice creams and discussed the Vipassana silent meditation retreat I'll be embarking on today. Ten days of silence and meditation. I decided to use the ice cream as a metaphor for the retreat - if I can get through this ice cream then I can get through the retreat. I think they're kind of similar, right? So there'll be no words from me for two weeks as I further my journey inward, I feel surprisingly ready and excited, if not a little nervous, of what's before me. If anything it will be a journey - one which, I think, I'm ready to take!

Present Moments, Friends and Family Ceremonies

Another magical week in Bali has flown by, right past Friday, Saturday and Sunday and so it is only now on Monday morning that I can sit and write my blog. I spent the whole of last week trying to let go of the plans in my head and live moment by moment. What do I feel like doing right now? Being able to ask this question is an incredible blessing as it is not often that one can experience this kind of spontaneity in ‘real’ life – plans need to be made if you hope to fit in all that you need to do. I think it’s taken me the seven weeks I have been here to really understand that right now, I don’t need to do a thing except exactly what I feel is right, right now. What bliss!

This week has also shown me what absolutely beautiful friendships I have made in the last seven weeks. Since I have been here I have made good, soul-filling, soul-connecting friendships with some awesome women. I spent Sunday late afternoon and evening with Colleen, we had supper and watched the sunset and then went along to a steam-room and sauna ‘party’. After having a rather intense session in the steam-room (the Thai herbs made me feel like I was sitting in a cup of tea) I sat for hours and watched the bonfire flicker and warm my heart, feasting on cup after cup of delicious herbal tea. On Tuesday Laura and I started with lunch and continued to hang out until 7pm, talking and connecting and just being. I visited Courtney at her beautiful villa on Wednesday and spent the afternoon there, swimming in the most amazing pool, playing on her internet, chatting and drinking cups of ‘neem’ tea (good for the skin apparently!). We ended off the special day with a delicious dinner of wine and basil pesto gnocchi. Small luxuries!

On Friday evening I called ‘the delightful lady’, Dana, to see what she was up to. We were both sitting at home alone and so I went along to her place in the rice paddies, we ate pizza and cookies and chatted away until 10pm. We also sipped at cups of Balinese rice wine – Arak – which she diluted with water, “otherwise it’s like drinking a shot of vodka – you have to be careful!” 

When I began my journey I had hoped that in the process of ‘finding myself’ I would also find some special people to connect with. This wish has been abundantly manifested, these glorious souls literally bumped into my path and I am absolutely convinced that it’s all meant to be.

On Thursday morning myself, Dana and another of her friends, jumped on our scooters and headed off towards Tirta Empul, a sacred water temple. The whole experience was pretty awesome and most of all I just LOVED the journey. We went up and down some pretty steep hills and my scooter skills were seriously tested! The scenery was exquisite and it was difficult to balance the desire to look about me in awe and focus on the road. Once again my heart bloomed with the possibilities my scooter was lending me, there’s so much of the world to experience and discover! We arrived at the temple early, the ticket office wasn’t even open so we wandered in by ourselves. Dana and I jumped into the water to receive our water cleansing and blessings, we only had an inkling of the rituals one must do and so pretty much did what we felt was right. I kept praying that the Gods and Goddesses would see the sincerity of my actions rather than their accuracy! I think it turned out ok as no lightning bolt came down! It was a pretty awesome experience and the water was refreshing and clean… and blessed! We walked around the site and chatted for a little, and then headed back to Ubud, but not before the ticket lady called us over to pay for our entry!

Friday morning arrived and there was a flurry of activity in my compound. There were suddenly all these extra bodies busily preparing food and ceremony offerings. The family had tripled! I promised that in the afternoon I would return and enjoy a meal of the food they were preparing together. I arrived home late in the afternoon, pretty exhausted from my day of activities and sat in the usual family gathering place while Jeru brought me my little feast. I ate more meat than I have eaten for a while…chicken, pork and fish! My system can handle these gifts given with love. After eating my meal I simply sat and watched as the family continued to prepare for the next day’s ceremony in the family temple. I couldn’t drag myself away. Perhaps it was the beauty of the end of the day, or perhaps it was simply the need to just be with a family, as they worked and chatted together. There’s something peaceful in being part of a world and yet not part of it at all, as I couldn't understand what everyone was saying but I could pick up on gestures and facial expressions – smiles and shaking of heads! I laughed as decorations were put up and then taken down again and swopped around when the grandfather pointed out that they were in the wrong place. Gusde the teenage son helped for a while until he got bored with the process and moved away, only to have his hard work taken down and done properly by his aunt. I was roped in for a while until I too, moved away to the sanctuary of my cottage! Not unlike Gusde!

The next morning I returned from yoga and dressed in my borrowed kebaya, sarong and scarf. I was also going to join the ceremony which was all in aid of Saraswati Day, the Goddess of Knowledge. The ceremony in this family was bigger than usual as Saraswati Day coincidently fell onto the same day as the ancestor ceremony in the family temple. The mangku (priest) was due to arrive at 11am to proceed with the ceremonies, yet he’s a busy mangku and so only arrived at 1pm. I fought the western urge to go do ‘better things’ with my time as we waited, and I so I made myself to do what I actually wanted, which was to sit with the family for those two hours chatting in broken English and Bahasa. It was wonderful to just enjoy being part of the process. After the priest arrived so did all the other family members and soon there was a crowd of ceremony participants in the temple and onlookers outside. I sat and watched the proceeds, enjoying the chanting and the bell dinging. It was hot and I was getting hungry, but I still felt blessed to be there. Once again I was called upon and I became part of the blessing party as we went around to all the little temples in the big temple as well as the ones in the property, each off us having some part to play in the blessing ritual. I had to splash two splashes of vinegar (I think that’s what it was) when Gustut’s sister gave me the signal – I'm pretty sure I got it wrong, but once again the sincerity of the action might outweigh the correctness!

The temple. Gustut and Gusde trying out my sunglasses. Me! A beautiful 'living' temple. Dayu and Jeru waiting for the Mangku.

The temple all ready. The Mangku has arrived and the ceremony is about to start. Collecting the different offerings during the ceremony. A ritual (I'm not sure what was happening!).

The Mangku at work - he has such a nice kind face!

The ceremony ended with each of us getting blessings and we participated in a similar ritual to the one I was part of in Kintamani. Jeru sat beside me, giving me the right flowers to hold up in prayer at the right time, showing me how to swirl my hands through the smoke of the incense before lifting them up in prayer. Once again I enjoyed watching the ‘everydayness’ of it all. As the priest chanted people chatted and little children weaved in and out. One of Gustut’s nephews was looking so cute in his ceremonial dress while dragging a Spiderman balloon behind him, getting in the way of our blessing team as we made our blessing rounds! I was looking forward to the feast ahead, but before that I was taken by Gustut’s sister to the neighbour’s compound where I enjoyed another session of blessings similar to the ones we received in ‘our’ temple. When it was finally time to eat I was urged to pile my plate high with rice, fish satays, spicey sambals, bebek (duck) stew and some other kind of ayam (chicken) dish. I politely declined the ‘pig’ this time. We ate with our hands and I suddenly became a bit self-conscious! Was I eating with my hands in the polite way?! Gustut reminded me that I should wash my hands with soap after eating with them, otherwise the rats will come in the night to nibble my fingers, thinking they’re food. A glorious prospect.

Gustut's family. Spiderman at the ceremony. Me post-ceremony - flowers and rice attached!

Once again I have been touched by the absolute devotion of the Balinese as well as the way the family invited me into their space and lives, looking after me every step of the way. They fully accepted me into their special ceremony and I was touched when Gustut assured me that he was proud to see me sitting there with his family. I did not imagine these kinds of experiences on my journey, and yet it is these things which are contributing so greatly to the love that I feel here.

Zoom Zooming to Freedom

At the beginning of my Ubud journey I gave myself at least one month to walk. To walk everywhere while the rest of the Bali soul searchers were vrooming around on scooters and motorbikes. And boy, did I walk. To and from yoga, an hour walk somewhere and an hour walk back. 10pm at night walking and early morning walking. That and my daily yoga pretty much exhausted me, leaving me wondering why finding myself was so tiring. It is definitely the right way to keep fit, but the problem was that the majority of the walking I was doing was all taking place within the mini-city of Ubud, where the constant barrage of cars and scooters and people can send anyone’s zen thoughts straight into chaos.

To get to the beautiful rice paddies I needed to walk for at least half an hour which meant that by the time I was ready to breathe in the beauty of nature, I was already ready for a break. One afternoon I was awoken from an afternoon nap by the sound of a chainsaw, frustration led me back onto the street with the intention of exploring a little side street before my yoga class at six. I had been telling my friend Laura that very afternoon that I would not be getting a scooter and would continue to be a walker, but it seems that destiny had other plans. As I was walking up my street (noisy, littered, busy), I saw a man Graham who I had met at an event the previous Friday. Graham passed by me and then did a u-turn and came to chat. Within minutes I was on the back of his scooter and flying out towards the rice fields. My usual forty minute walk blurred into five minutes as we reached the quieter roads, surrounded on each sides by homes and villas surrounded abundantly by lush green rice fields, trees and jungle. My heart opened! My stomach loosened, and I breathed it all in.

Last weekend I gave Graham a call to ask if I could take him up on the scooter lesson offer. He readily agreed and what ensued was three afternoons of scooter lessons, Graham patiently guiding me, reminding me, taking control from behind just before I hit that truck or went into that ditch. On the third day I was eventually ready for my first ever solo-ride, and Graham using his well-cultivated connections organised a rented scooter for me at a great price as well as a brand new helmet (no cooties for me!). As soon as I got onto my scooter, switched on the ignition, looked left and right, said a little prayer (or rather, a very big prayer) my heart once again bloomed! I was off! Riding on my own, feeling the wind whip past me, the scooter and I becoming fast friends – I was FREE! I was in heaven! I could go wherever I wanted, I could explore more and see more and do more!  I am so very lucky to have been thrown onto Graham’s path, many years ago he was a driving instructor in Ireland and so I could not have asked for a better teacher to guide me in the somewhat scary art of scooter manoeuvring. He is just another of the miracles that I have experienced in being on my adventure and in my flow – how many people would give up three afternoons to teach a person they've just met how not to be wobbly while riding a scooter?

  

So now, the life expectancy of my time in Ubud has tripled. I was thinking of going to Thailand but not yet, me and Ubud – we’re not done yet! With this new found freedom I can spend more time out and away, finding sweet little warungs far off in the rice fields in which to eat and write and be. So, this is me on Zoom Zoom! My beloved scooter. And of course, the angels are never far from the scene – my keyring (a present from Brigette and Jane for my last birthday) reminds me how protected I am when I'm out there claiming my freedom.

In the middle of my first week of scootering, I took another journey, this time leaving Zoom Zoom and my helmet at home. My friend Colleen, whom I met in Jakarta a few years ago, and who is also, coincidently from Hillcrest, invited me to her friend Nila’s restaurant for a Balinese ceremony. The restaurant is in Kimtamani, an hour or less drive from Ubud and is facing the majestic Mt. Batur – a smoky, powerful volcano which seems to exude healing from its very slopes. The restaurant has been open for a year and I think the ceremony was a blessing for the restaurant, the land on which it stood and a show of gratitude for what has come from it.

Colleen and I arrived early and sat looking at Mt Batur, finishing off the coconuts Colleen had bought us in Ubud and simply enjoying being there and in a different space. The ceremony started about two hours later and Colleen and I sat and watched – both as guests and as part of the family. We were dressed in full ceremony garb and were shown how to be part of the different ritual prayers. Holding up a flower in prayer three times during the music and then holding up empty hands, being flicked with blessed coconut water and then sipping it four times from our hands. I really cannot explain the details of the ceremony but it was fascinating to watch, to be a part of, as it was both sacred and so very every-day. At least once or twice a member of the family’s phone rang and they answered it, while the priest was in full chant. There was constant chatter when the family was not expected to be part of the rituals, and they smoked and playfully argued about what happens next or what offering to put where.

The detail and symbolism of each item is amazing and far too complicated for me to work out. Each item in the offerings has meaning and the preparation can take days and weeks to complete. There are handmade baskets and offering paraphernalia, rice, fruit, incense, sweets, cooked chicken! At the end of the ceremony everything is eaten, either by the people or the animals, as it is now regarded as blessed food.

At the end of the ceremony a beautiful spread of food was put out which we were invited to share in. Nila is an organic chef and after the rather intense energy of the ceremony, Colleen and I ravenously tucked into the beautiful food. We spent the rest of the day there, ensconced in the beauty of the volcano, the mist rolling in and out, eating chocolate, the ceremony fruits and drinking the most gorgeous lemon, ginger and honey tea. I napped and meditated in direct view of the volcano, feeling loved and healed by her energy. It was the most beautiful day, which Colleen and I ended off with a perfect and deep Balinese massage back in Ubud. That night I had the best sleep I've had for a long time, happily exhausted from a day of generosity so abundantly shown to me, and filled with deep gratitude at being here and being blessed with such beautiful experiences.